“You are the person who has to decide. Whether you’ll do it or toss it aside; you are the person who makes up your mind. Whether you’ll lead or will linger behind. Whether you’ll try for the goal that’s afar. Or just be contented to stay where you are.” – Edgar A. Guest
We have established the fact that we can choose the direction of our lives and how it turns out. It is a daunting challenge. People generally like to point fingers away from themselves. So we will rather resist the responsibility and hope for a miracle. That is also why only 5% of the people are successful. But the more you hesitate to make that decision the more your life is dangling. My job as a personal development coach is to help people become that better version of themselves that they only dream of. When the word decision comes to mind, the situation may loom large over the person. Fear and self doubt very often will prevail. So I usually ask my clients to take it step by step so that they can reach decisions that will enable their growth and success.
When you have to make a choice, there are certain things you should consider.
First, you should consider the value of the outcome. If, for instance, you are not happy with your current job, what is the value to you of finding another job? By this, I mean, how important is seeking another job to you. To evaluate the options before you, you have to know why you do not like the job. Are you underpaid and unable to meet your financial obligations? What does that job usually pay? Is the job too stressful for you? Is it too far from your residence, therefore, requiring a long commute? Is it even the kind of job you want to be doing? If your current jobs’ salary is within its’ market value where you currently reside, what is the difference in other places? How significant is the difference in those other places? Is the difference worth relocating or starting a new job at another company? If you have a family, how will that play out with your spouse’s career or business? Would your children have to change schools? These are very pertinent issues to process. And it can be scary. But it is vital that you purposefully process them and come to a resolution that makes sense to you and all involved.
Another thing you should consider is, whose idea is it, and why? If your friends think that your boss is a red neck or stupid and not worthy to be your boss, is that your view and is it realistic? If your best friend does not like your guy, thinks he is not sophisticated enough for you, is that also your opinion? What if it is your best pal who feels that your girl is not pretty enough? Do you share that opinion? Why?
Thirdly, is it the right time for your decision? Is it something that must happen right now? If you see a new suit that you like, must you buy it now? Have you met your most priority financial obligations? Is it reasonable to forgo your rent or car note because you want to have that new suit?
How do you feel about the choice you want to make? You must have confidence in yourself although you may have made some poor choices in the past. If your heart tells you that this guy who is showing interest is good, can you summon the courage to give it another try or would you chicken out and remain in misery because you made some poor choices in the past? “Regardless of what you lose or the challenges you face, you will never lose your power to make decisions” ― Jacinta Mpalyenkana
In thinking through your options before you make a choice, you get better insights and information which will guide you. Remember, going through the process in itself helps you to develop self- discipline.
What if there are no options?
“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.” – Paulo Coelho
In some cultures such as in African, Arabian, Asian including some European societies, people can’t choose whom they marry. Some of these cultures believe that the parents, elders, or leaders have the right to make such major life decisions for the people most especially, women. It is a tough one because some of the people think that it is a mark of respect for their parents, elders or the men to make these decisions. Unfortunately, these practices often lead to unhappy lives or lives wasted. I know a pretty lady who was handed out in marriage at a very young age to a man old enough to be her father. And she was still a primary school student at the time. Although the marriage has produced children, there is just no love in it. She is adulterous and doesn’t care. More than thirty years and counting, she still recalls her wedding with heartbreak, tears, and bewilderment. The first time she told me her story, I couldn’t help but notice her perplexity. She still has that look of a confused young girl saying “I do” to a stranger. Tears rolled down her face. “But he doesn’t abuse you” I said. “I couldn’t even make my own choice” she quickly replied. She wore bewilderment like a gloss. That is the power of choice. Her parents deprived her of the right to make an important choice in life, and she still hurts many years after. Her husband dare not say a thing when it comes to whom their children marry.
Sometimes other social-economic factors can deprive one of the rights to choose. During the catastrophic New Orleans Hurricane Katrina, several people lost their lives because they would not evacuate before Katrina landed. Some of us wondered why. Some even blamed them for not heeding the warnings from the authorities to leave the area before all hell broke loose. A friend of mine who is a priest was one of such people who refused to evacuate. He barely survived it. When I asked him why he said he could not because some of his parishioners had no place to evacuate to and they all came to the parish for refuge. So he chose not to abandon them. These people had no money, no transportation or friends nor relatives anywhere to run to. They simply had no options to choose from. It is sad.
You who wear the shoes know where it pinches. So when you have options, be wise about it. I will advise you to have a decision notepad. Use if to go through the process discussed in this series whenever the need arises. And it will. I have found that writing things down helps to bring about clarity. Good luck. Please don’t forget to leave a comment.